Metta, or lovingkindness, is one of the foundational practices of Buddhism. A prerequisite to effective metta practice is forgiveness, including forgiving ourselves which is often the hardest of all. That’s why we begin our Monday night metta practice with forgiveness. However, forgiveness can’t be forced. Although many of us aspire to be skillful Buddhist practitioners and readily find forgiveness in our hearts, forcing forgiveness prematurely can be an act of aggression, causing more harm than good. So this practice needs to be taken one step at a time, gently. The forgiveness meditation below, which was offered at my recent retreat, was created for this purpose.
Monday night we will discuss forgiveness practice in more depth, how to know when we’re ready to forgive, and its relationship to sila and metta.
FORGIVENESS MEDITATION
This is traditionally a preliminary practice, before doing lovingkindness or compassion meditation.
Forgiveness should never be forced. Do this practice only within your comfort zone. It is fine not to do it at all if you’re not ready.
Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Bring your attention to the heart. Feel whatever is there without judgment. Breathe through the heart. Try to say the words of the forgiveness meditation through your heart.
Think of ways in which you have harmed yourself and harmed others. It is better to begin with minor things, not the big acts of harming. As far as you are able to do so, extend forgiveness to yourself for this harming by saying these phrases to yourself;
I allow myself to be imperfect.
I allow myself to make mistakes.
I allow myself to be a learner, still learning life’s lessons.
I forgive myself.
If I cannot forgive myself now, may I forgive myself sometime in the future.
Think of ways in which others have harmed you — again, beginning with minor harms. As far as you are able to do so, extend forgiveness to them.
Just as I allow myself to be imperfect, so I allow you to be imperfect.
I allow you also to make mistakes.
I allow you to be learners, still learning life’s lessons.
I forgive you.
If I cannot forgive you now, may I forgive you sometime in the future.
Ask forgiveness from others for the harm that you have done to them.
Please allow me to be imperfect.
Please allow me to make mistakes.
Please allow me to be a learner, still learning life’s lessons.
Please forgive me.
If you cannot forgive me now, please try to forgive me sometime in the future.
